About Me: Who Is Momma Marta?

Who am I?  I ask myself for everything has changed. It happened so fast and quickly, within a blink of an eye my tomorrows and future has vanished from what I once thought it to be.  Now I stand at the crossroads of my life.  And as I stand there debating the challenges that lay before me.  I wonder.  What will people think of me should I no longer be here?  Did I make a difference in this world or leave behind me any mark that I was even here.  What about where I am going?  Is my direction the best for my future?  And what of my Sophia?  Have I made the right decisions and choices for her?  Life is short and fragile.  Life should be loved and lived and never wasted.  I am not sure I even have accomplished that goal of Loving life and Living it or have I?

Have I touched the heart of any human?  Have I lifted someone else or helped them on their way in this life?  Have I been successful and achieved or have I been a detriment to myself or others?  What is a measure of success?  And who determines what that might be?

Recent events in my life have made me question.  Question me, my own integrity, and my own purpose.  Perhaps I have taken life more for granted than I should.  Have I lived my life or has it lived me?

What do I want?  For all that I wanted seems to have faded into the dark obis of yesterday and yet somehow there is still a hope for tomorrow.  All I have known has changed and now I am here, looking into the face of another.  A child, small and pure waiting for me to make my move.  Giving all that I am and all I have.  But that is just it…  It is all I am and all I have.  My future is changing and I hardly have say.  Not begrudging this small being but embracing all that they are amidst the confusion, loss and frustration that I feel and experience.  All the while knowing that they feel it too.  What will my future hold and how will I do it?  Being ever aware that they now depend on me too.
“Who am I?”  I simply ask.  Who I was has now changed just as my future and life has changed. Who am I?

I am a grandparent becoming a parent again.  I am a grandparent giving my all to raise a child.  I am a grandparent touching the life of a child, making a difference and a change.  I am a grandparent sacrificing my happiness, wants and desires to give to a child for their benefit. I am a grandparent lifting a child up and helping them on their way.  I am a grandparent giving my future to a child that I love.

Who am I?  I am the door way to tomorrow for a child I am a Grand Parent parenting again.  I am a child’s future and hope for tomorrow and the healing balm of yesterday’s whys.   Who am I? I am a grandparent.  And that surely is a measure of success.

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